The Doosh is back to school us on the importance of camouflage, in the way only the Doosh can. Sit back and enjoy this knowledge bomb from RLD’s favorite guest blogger.
|Stalkin’ bucks, Doosh Style!
WHAZZZZZUUUPPPP!!! HA! Hey ya’ll! The Doosh here! First off I gotta say I’m about 15 deep in Bro’s Draft Ale Lager Beer Light, so the ship might be rockin’. I also have “Stranglehold” cranked on repeat cause me and the Nuge just got back from napalming suburban whitetails from a helicopter in Connecticut. Man we really did those folks a favor clearing out those garden rats, since they can’t even have paintball guns now cause’a Obama.. From my cold dead hands right? Or from a STRANGLEHOLD BROTHER!! Hahaha just some NRA humor guys.
I really wanted to talk to ya’ll today about the importance of using camo.
Camo is the MOST important part of hunting. My grandpappy never used it and he killed plenty of shit, but that’s because he was in WWII and could kill a man with a matchstick. My daddy never used it cause I never knew him, he probably listens to NPR and jazz and other shit.
But in our modern day and age, with these animals learnin’ about us (Not “evolvin’ you fuckin godless heathen..) you absolutely NEED camo to be successful. Whether yer shootin’ whitetails with a spotlight out of the drivers window of the pick-up, stalking pheasants in the corn paddy, or ruttin’ it up for babes at a country music shitkicker – you’re gonna need some expensive camo to ensure everyone knows you’re here for business, and business is a’ boomin’ brother.
The pic above is a new prototype from Authentic Shrub, worn by my buddy Bosco on a squirrel hunt a few weeks ago. It’s gonna change the game, and at a list price of $1249.69 and our exclusive moving pictures deal it’s gonna make sure that Huntin’ With The Doosh on POOPN TV will remain viable for years to come, like my grandpappy on Viagra! HA!
My grandpappy would wear red flannel, cause that’s all granny had to make jackets. He said camo was a scam for the most part. Not sure why he thinks it’s more sporting to wear peasant clothes hunting public lands for wild game, but then again he’s older than NASCAR and senile as a drunken coot. I’m sure if granny had access to some Authentic Shrub “Soul Revealer” trademark material grandpappy would never have been seen in the woods by anything but God and Jesus and realized the error of his ways. Now that he’s senile and lonely in the old folks palace he could use it to stay away from them hot nurses till they caught his rut scent in the garden. Ha I kid pappy!
Camo ain’t just for huntin’, camo is so important I wear it fishin’ –
|Sistine Chapel Reject
Truth be told, I wish that were me in that picture above, even though I wear the same kit. Maybe when I was a high school football star I could fit in them skinny dick sweet camo cloud duds, but alas I make my own horizon now and it looks like a fleshy Monet without fat guy cloud camo. Also note that fishin’ in camo with 6 lures is the surefire way to snag a limit of whatever is nearby the boat and fooled by the azure greatness throbbing a rod above it.
Fact is you WILL catch more fish if they think you’re a cloud.
Camo is really important when you’re drinking beers in the blind, Coors Silver is for flashing to the does how bad ass your rut swagger is, not for hiding in the blind. If the patent was finished for Bro’s Draft Ale Lager Beer Light “CrushQuiet-SHOOSH CAN!” TM camo can technology I’d post a pic, but it ain’t so here is some delicious swill from my grandpappy’s day that understands the needs of the modern hunter, even if it doesn’t have SHOOSH CAN technology.
Pretty damn slick, huh? I shouldn’t say nothin’ but I’m working with Depends on developing a NO Smell Camo Blind Diaper for crushin’ cold ones in the blind.. I mean, you can’t go drain the lower gizzard by the drop feeder while waiting 15 minutes for the pen buck to show.. makes for bad TV and prevents us from taking shots of hard liquor before 10AM because we gotta wait longer for the money shot, and it is the money shot that pays, friends.
Good camo will cost you a few months pay, but it is WORTH it. Not only in the pay to play farm plots, but also walkin’ ’round Wallymart or the hick pop modern country concert. You will look B-A-D A-Z-Z! Even the stars rock camo, took me 11 songs to see this fuckin’ guitar! I thought he was the most bad azz air guitarist EVER! HA! Jokes on the Doosh, Billy Corralwood!
Long story short, you NEED camo to be successful at huntin, fishin, and being a bad ass bad boy at life. It not only hides your outsides, it reveals your insides. That’s something I imagine my grandpappy to say if he ever wore it! Fuckin’ senile loser! HA I kid pappy!