Missing the Point

No, this isn’t about bird dogs blowing it. It’s not about you looking left when the birds jump right. It’s not about having a debate with your politically polar opposite relative.. who probably really wants or owns one of these.

It’s about missing the point of bird hunting all together.

At first I thought this was a joke by one of my highly intelligent and devious friends. We go to great lengths to humor each other and this seemed ripe. I contacted them and they played dumb.. a little too dumb. I felt like I had finally been encapsulated by the very nature of obscene prank I’d pulled many times in the past, but this one was on the scale of masterwork that none of us have ever quite achieved. Only a retired pro baseball player could have the stewing time for this level of goof. But none of my friends are ex-pro baseball players or in the Greg Maddux pantheon.

But like most of our news headlines today it wasn’t brilliant satire, it was an abomination to the reasons we all chose to believe in what we believe.

Let me introduce to you.. the conibear’ed clown whose skin was stretched by a baffled and bewildered trapper.. and then lugged up the hill by the same guys who probably carry The Game Tender in their packs..

Ladies and Gentleman! I present the premier toddler party peek-a-boo attraction!



(Pause for laughter to turn to tears.. 3..2..1..)

I’m still laughing.. but the joke will whimper out when my core muscles say enough and make my face long and tired. The sad truth is that people who are more into killing chukar than actually hunting them will buy these in droves, wave them like flags on the backs of their UTV’s as they gas their fat asses up the mountain blasting shitty pop country music, and make me scratch my head as I hike up the roadless opposite hillside and grow ever balder and baffled. That is, infact, if this repurposed children’s hospital wallpaper actually works. The videos I’ve watched on their internet outlets do not look promising, let alone fun. Most of us learned long ago that hiding under our kid blanket only made our fear of the real world far worse. It’s best to brave the wind and test your luck.

There could be practical uses for this product, like photography and open landscape modern art, both of which I support, but it ultimately reminds me of this.

Well Blind Magnet, I see and commend your efforts boys. I get your frustrations. I used to deal with them too. Here’s some advice you should have gotten years ago – If you really want to be with a lady you enjoy and find fulfilling, you have to have game. You have to know the quarry. You have to put in the hard work. You should have a bestfriend that steers you in the right direction. You have to put in the time. You have to win them, not fool them. Most of all, you have to drop the false facade and be yourself.

If you want a paid for gimmick to work it’s “magic” go to Nevada’s famous Bunny Ranch, or walk around in a pay-to-play farmed bird field while covered in a blanky.

I wish the best of luck to you guys at the clown tarp factory, I really do. You’ll find success with your eager clientele. But I doubt you will find fulfillment in your pursuits, unless you’re juggalos..

6 responses to “Missing the Point

  1. Getting closer to prey without the work is a multi-billion dollar industry which sadly takes all the skill out of it. It’s called game for a reason. Not the Chutes and Ladders variety.

  2. I always enjoy how buttfuckers define sporting. Luckily they wave their flag high. It’s like a dude wearing white shades and an affliction t-shirt, he cries out to the world douchebag, but doesn’t care and perseveres.

  3. wow! utterly amazed. I live in colorado and read your posts when I have time and usually wholeheartedly agree with your opinions and enjoy your writing ability. Back to colorado, one of the worst things about this state is the elk. Not that I dont love, hunt, appreciate and support habitat and proliferation of this grand animal but the poor animal attracts the ilk of other states. They want to play the game but in my opinion “cheat” at it using UTV’s, ATV’s etc.

    they would likely buy this abhorrent piece of garbage made by what seems to be a sunday school class level of design and engineering.

    on a basic I dont think elk hunting elk, chukar or pretty much hunting anything should be inherently easy. Colorado started tightening up atv rules and the lazy cried aloud. The back country hunters rejoiced. I didnt know where to stand on it at first as I was new to hunting but Im now with, although not a ranking member. of the back country hunters.

    Im still a bit of a novice to bird hunting but am learning the hard way, learning from the birds as I go along and as well gracefully accepting the lesson when the birds elude me which is fairly common. A salute tot he wild birds and other game, may the pursuit of game cost me advil, shoe leather and in the process, the payment i will receive will be the memorable time in the outdoors with my dog, friends, lessons on wildlife and the occasional trophy meal of wild game.

    Keep writing, were reading

    EJ Paul

  4. I should’ve bought a few of these and shipped them to those nutters’ trying to steal OUR public land up in Oregon. Wouldve went nice with their dildos.

  5. I’m pretty sure the law of diminishing returns would prevent this products’ success. Covey birds wouldn’t be easily called to get in range unless separated or during mating season. So, until States enact spring hunting seasons, it’s back to shoe leather trousers find and separate the coveys. And bird dogs to locate the birds.

Rabble Amongst Yerselves or Holler Back

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